Fullmetal Eds
by CelticKawaii
Summary: When Truth-kun gets the insane idea to open up the Gate in Peach Creek, the Eds are thrown into an adventure of a lifetime in the world of FMA. Contains crack. OC! R&R!
1. Chapter 1: Truthkun is Bored

**This is just something that came to my mind, probably while I was sniffing Sharpies. XD Anyway, this plot basically feeds on the Rule of Funny, breaks the fourth wall with reckless abandon, and is officially the second FMA/EEnE crossover ever! The first scene comes from one of the omake comics, and then things go crazy from there. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own Fullmetal Alchemist and all of its characters (so all the crap that happened in that show was my fault!) I also own all of Peach Creek and the entire Cul d'Sac, and all of the characters in Ed Edd n Eddy! They're all mine! Too bad I don't own sarcasm (Dur-hur).**

* * *

The Truth was feeling particularly bored after losing three rounds of Connect Four to Alphonse's body. Insisting that Alphonse was cheating, the latter pointed out that he couldn't have cheated in a game of Connect Four. Truth-kun sighed.

"What am I supposed to do now? It's not like I can rip off your brother's remaining limbs,"

"You could restore my soul back to me,"

"Nice try, but you have to pay a fee for that,"

Alphonse pouted. The two said nothing for a while. Then, Truth got a brilliant idea. Well, depending on what can be called 'brilliant,' but an idea nonetheless.

"What if I let in some idiots from another world and see what happens," Truth pondered. Alphonse looked at him sideways.

* * *

"How am I supposed to make a good scam when you keep messing everything up!"

Ed just stared blankly back at Eddy, not sure what to say in reply. Then suddenly, his concentration was broken as he jerked his head to the left. His eyes became wide like saucers as a grin grew on his face. He pointed his finger in the direction he was looking.

"What an idiot!"

"Look," Ed said, mesmerized by whatever he saw.

"Ed?" Double D asked, a bit concerned. "What is it Ed?"

"He's lost it," Eddy repeated, throwing his arms up.

"Or, he might just be hallucinating," Edd suggested. "It wouldn't be the first time this has happened to him. Remember the Halloween special?"

Eddy went pale in the face. "I'd like to forget that,"

"Besides, I've recently theorized the potential hallucinagenic effects of certain foods, for instance Chunky Puffs*,"

"In English, Sockhead!"

"Ed could be seeing things that aren't really there as a result of consuming Chunky Puffs,"

Eddy pondered the thought for a while, before finally saying, "That's stupid,"

Ed, meanwhile, was wandering closer to the seemingly empty space, fascinated beyond doubt. While the other two Eds bickered amongst themselves, Ed examined the imaginary whatever up and down before shouting "BOING!"

The others whipped their heads around to see. Eddy merely rolled his eyes, while Double D tried to figure out what Ed was making such a big deal over.

"It's a portal to an alternate universe, in which a door has been opened between our world and theirs," Ed explained to the others. Granted, it wasn't unusual for him to come up with ideas from all the Sci-Fi B-movies he watched. But then, he did something shocking - he flung open a pair of doors to open up a pure white space.

"Hello Gate," Ed greeted happily. The other Edds came running over to see what just happened.

"Ed, you ripped open a hole in the fabric of space!" Double D exclaimed, not sure whether to be horrified or excited.

"Way to go Lumpy!" Eddy congradulated. "Now I can charge kids to see the rip in space or whatever Sockhead just said!"

But none of them had time to think over what they would do, when a pair of long, spidery arms reached out and grabbed the trio. Two thirds of the group were thoroughly freaked out, but Ed shouted "Full speed ahead! Prepare for launching, alien universe!"

* * *

*Hooray for WMG on TV Tropes!

**So, that's the first chapter. Please review! This is my first crossover, and I noticed that I've only been doing FMA stories so far, so I decided to 'step down from it' so to speak. Tell me what you think of it so far. Don't worry, I won't have any OC's in this story...maybe.**


	2. Chapter 2: Ed Edd Eddy Edo and Al

**Whoo-hoo! Three reviews already! This is great! Seriously, we need more Ed Edd n Eddy crossovers; have you seen that archive? Anyway, this is set in the Manga!Verse, so this one's less emo and depressing. Guess which one of the Eds is going to be an alchemist (you know, besides Elric)? Well, on with the story!**

* * *

"Al? Al? Where are you?" Edward called out, looking from left to right for his brother. He only saw miles of sand - until he felt something grab his ankle from behind.

"WHHAAA!"

"I sunk again," Al said sheepishly.

Meanwhile, not too far from the Elric brothers, a bright, yellowish-white portal temporarily opened to spit out Ed, Edd and Eddy. The three of them crashed into the sand, in that order.

"Man, I'm getting sick of slapstick," Eddy complained, spitting out a mouthful of sand. Suddenly, he noticed something 'off' about his hands. He had..._five fingers_. Weird.

"Messy messy messy..." mumbled Double D as he poured sand out from his sleeves and under his hat (carefully so as to not show what was under it, of course!)

"Greetings alien universe!" proclaimed Ed dramatically. "We come in peace!"

"Hey Double D," Eddy said. "You notice anything weird about...everything?"

Edd looked around at his two friends, noticing a definite change in the art style. "Oh my," he said, sweatdropping.

"We look like our own fanart for Pete's sakes!" Eddy exclaimed.

Ed observed the change that he and the other two Eds had taken.

"Hold on a second! We're anime!" Eddy shouted. (1)

"COOL!" said Ed gleefully.

"Oh dear; an anime?" Edd was so perplexed, not sure what to think or say, that he facefaulted into the sand and passed out.

"Wait, aren't there hot babes in an anime?" Eddy realized. His grin grew wider when the thought sunk in. He was cuter now, and considering how Japan drew cartoon girls...

"Ooh, I know!" said Ed. "Let's go chibi powers!" In a puff of smoke, a smaller, cuter version of Ed appeared. "Oh guys, this is so cool!"

Just then, the Eds heard the sound of the Elric brothers arguing off in the distance.

"I don't understand why you keep falling in!" Edward shouted at his brother Alphonse.

"I get full," Al explained.

"Full of what?" Ed kicked the suit of armor, only to have a mound of sand pile on top of him. Alphonse giggled as he sidestepped away, when Edward burst out of the sand pile and started chasing his brother.

"You get back here!" he cried.

"Why, what are you gonna do?" asked Al.

"Nothing," Edward lied. The two chased each other in a circle, which the tallest Ed thought would be fun for him to join in on. Of course, he was still in chibi form, which made his joining the chase even more hilarious.

"Ed?" called Eddy, trying to get Double D to wake up. Luckily, he finally did.

"W-what happened?" he asked, blinking his eyes open.

"You blacked out, Sockhead," said Eddy. "And Lumpy over there is busy chasing those two weirdos,"

After Edward finally tripped over Chibi!Ed, the other two came running over.

"Hey, who the hell are you?" asked a breathless Ed to Chibi!Ed, who immediately popped out of chibi form back into his normal form. He just stood there, smiling at the Elric brothers. Double D and Eddy came over to introduce themselves.

"My name is Ed," the tallest of the three greeted, smiling at the brothers. "And this is Eddy, and this is Double D,"

"Well, really my name is Eddward, with two D's," Edd clarified.

The Eds and the Elrics looked at each other, not sure what to say. Edward and Eddy were having a sort of staring contest with each other, Double D was smiling while looking from Edward to Alphonse, and Ed just stood there with a big smile on his face.

"We come from planet Earth in the town of Peach Creek, and we have landed on your alien planet through a wormhole in the universe," said Ed, getting a weird look from both Ed and Al (and not to mention a sweatdrop).

"It's a long, really weird story," said Eddy. "Let's just leave it at that.

The five of them walked through the desert together the rest of the way without saying a word. Ed looked from the oddball trio to his brother with his eyebrow raised. There was the big goofy one with red hair, one who wore a stocking cap and looked a little timid compared to the others, and the short fathead who kept passing Ed weird looks.

When they finally reached Liore, they were all exhausted and panting - except for Alphonse, who didn't get dehydrated or worn out.

"This is all your fault Al," Ed complained breathlessly. "If you hadn't ran I wouldn't have bumped into these guys and ended up so tired,"

"Wait," said Double D, pointing straight ahead. There was a big, sparkling fountain just a few feet ahead of them. Normally, Double D would be worried about the contaminates that might be in there, but since he was just too thirsty to care.

"LOOK!" Edward cried, his eyes popping out of his head with a big crazy smile on his face. The other Eds got the same look when they saw the fountain.

"WATER!WATER!WATER!" They all shreiked as they ran over to the fountain, happier than...well, the kids at Peach Creek when they got jawbreakers. Edward stopped when he realized it wasn't actually clear water; Edd stopped too, only to have Eddy and Ed knock him into the fountain of red liquid.

"My clothes! They're filthy!" Double D shouted. Ed just laughed and sucked in some of the liquid, while Eddy surfaced and spat some out.

"Is that blood?" Alphonse asked his brother.

"No, more like blood red wine," Ed answered.

"Red wine?" Double D repeated. "ED! Stop drinking that right now! It's alcohol!"

"You mean this stuff is booze?" Eddy said wickedly. "Sweet!" he slurped some up along with Ed.

"Both of you please!" Double D commanded "If you keep drinking that you'll become intoxicated!"

"Hey, you kids get out of there!" said one of the townspeople. Ed and Al just looked at each other.

"Oh boy Al," Ed sighed. "We just hooked up with a bunch of nut jobs. This is gonna be a long day,"

* * *

**(1) FYI: From what I hear, Anime!Ed would have red hair and brown eyes, Anime!Edd would have blonde hair and green eyes, and Anime!Eddy would have (blue?)-black hair and blue eyes.**

**Alrighty, there's the second chapter for ya! LMAO, the Eds getting drunk! XD Please review this chapter, because seeing reviews is like your way of saying "Make the next chapter already, dammit!" So please, if you want to see what Eddy's hangover will be like, or if there's going to be some shipping...yeah.**


	3. Chapter 3: A thing Called Alchemy

**Alright! I'm actually pretty happy with how this turned out so far. Thanks for all the reviews! I started noticing how tricky it was to write for four characters named Ed, so maybe for Edward Elric I'll just switch off between 'Edward,' 'Ed' (when the other Eds aren't around) and 'Edo' (when they are). Anyways, this story is supposed to be funny, but it'll get some serious "deeper" parts to it later on. Oh, and a little heads up; I _might_ exaggerate some of the Eds characters, but in a good way. Okay, enough rambling. On with the story!**

* * *

Double D looked at his two friends sighing. "I'm surrounded by idiots,"

"Oh, knock it off Drama Queen," Eddy shot back. "It's thanks to him we're here in the first place," he pointed at Ed.

The trio wasn't too far off from the Elric brothers, who were trying to get over the weirdness of that 'space case bunch' that seemed to pop out of nowhere.

"I swear, there should be a limit to how many times you can name your kid 'Edward,'" he said to his brother Alphonse.

"Yeah, it is kind of odd, isn't it?"

"So now what?" Eddy pressed on Edd. "What are we supposed to do now if we're stuck here in some alternate universe or something?"

Edd looked at him sideways. "Do you think I know?" he said flatly.

"Well, you're the smart guy," Eddy pointed out.

The barman switched on the radio above him. Then the air was full of a broadcast about some 'Leto' person.  
"_To thy children of God who live in the world, pray and believe you will be saved. The Sun God Leto shines his light on you to show you the way…"_

"What the hell?" said Eddy. "What is this, some kind of Televangelist thing?"

"I suppose they have some alternate-universe equivalent to it in this world," Double D guessed. Edo just sighed. It's not like he was a fan of religious stuff - which was ironic, since he basically _met_ God - though Al didn't care as much.

"What are you two, street performers?" asked the barman.

Ed briefly choked on the orange juice he was sipping before answering "Do I look like a clown to you? Where'd you get that idea?"

"Guess I'm wrong then. I dunno, you seemed like it to me,"

"Well, thanks for the meal," Ed and Al got up from their seats when Alphonse's head suddenly knocked into the shelf where the radio sat, knocking it over on the ground and smashing it into pieces. All three Eds whipped their heads around to see what just happened.

"Now you've done it buddy! What did you expect wearing a tin suit anyway?"

"I'm sorry sir," said Alphonse sheepishly, "This armor's special to me. It saved my life a few years ago,"

"Don't worry, we'll fix it," Ed said.

"Fix it? It's in a thousand pieces!"

Eddy raised an eyebrow. "This oughtta be good," he mumbled to Ed.

The boy in the suit of armor started drawing an array on the ground around the smashed radio, shaped like a circle with small triangles pointing outward on six sides. He clapped his hands together over the circle, and...

"Whoa, that was amazing!" said one of the townsfolk.

"Good Lord! How were you able to do that?" said Double D, running up to see the radio, intact and brand new.

"You can work miracles," said the barman.

"Nah, it's not miracles, it's alchemy," explained Edward.

"Alchemy? You wouldn't mind if you taught me how this alchemy works, would you?" Edd asked. Eddy facepalmed while Ed clapped in applause. "Oh, do it again!" he cheered at Al. If he had a body, he would've blushed right now.

"Ugh, gimme a break!" said Eddy, until he really thought about it. _If I could use this alchemy stuff to make the perfect scam, these suckers are gonna come flocking!_

"Yeah, we're alchemists; ever hear of the Elric brothers?" said Edo to the townspeople.

"Elric brothers...hm, yeah, it rings a bell," said one guy.

"Wait...you mean like Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"Yeah, exactly!" said Edward, when suddenly, everyone crowded around Alphonse, asking all sorts of questions.

"Wow, I see why you got the name 'Fullmetal,' it's the armor, isn't it?"  
"Hey, my daughter's having a birthday party, do you mind coming?"  
"Can I have your autograph?"

"Well, um, actually, I'm not the Fullmetal Alchemist - he is," Al said, pointing to his brother Edward.

"What? You mean that little shory over there?"

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZE MIDGET PIPSQUEAK YOU JERKS!" Edo shouted at the townspeople.

"Hey guys, did you see how everybody went nuts over that Fullmetal guy?" Eddy said to his pals. Edd facepalmed, knowing what was coming next.

"Maybe we could make a deal with that kid, and charge a fee for autographs. He can get 10% of the profits, so that way, everyone wins!"

Double D sighed. "Honestly Eddy, must you turn everything into some scheme to make a profit? And 10% is completely unreasonable!"

"Okay fine then. We split the profits 80/20,"

"Eddy!"

"70/30 then?"

"No, that's not the point!"

"Well what do you want from me? 50/50?"

"Can you fix the radio again?" said Ed.

Edd glared at Eddy. "You shouldn't take advantage of people like that, Eddy,"

"Well, how do you expect us to survive out here anyway?" Eddy pointed out. "We're flat-out broke, and money don't grow on trees you know,"

Double D realized Eddy was right. "Well uh...then we'll find some honest means of affording our stay here,"

"And I know how to do that!" Eddy said in that car-salesman-type voice. "We'll charge a fee for autographs, split the profits 50/50, and maybe he'll even teach you how to do that alchemy stuff too!"

It was tempting, learning alchemy; Double D wasn't one to take advantage of people, but Eddy was right - how were they going to live out here without any money. And even if they _did_ have money, the currency in _this_ universe _had_ to be different from their own.

"Alright," he said, wincing. "We have no other choice, I suppose,"

"You won't regret this one, Sockhead!" Eddy said, smacking his friend on the back. "Just watch,"

* * *

"So who is that guy on the radio, anyway?" asked Edward.

"T-that's Father Cornello, the high priest of the sun god, Leto," said the barman, surprised. "How could you not know about him?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't have asked," Edo said.

"He came to our town a few years ago, when we were a God-forsaken dustbowl in the middle of nowhere," one guy explained.

"He showed us the ways of the god Leto, and our town became a desert paradise!"

"He said if we believe, God will grant the living eternity and resurrect the dead. He can perform miracles!"

"Resurrect the dead, huh?" Edo looked at his brother. "I don't like the sound of that,"

"You mean like zombies?" piped up Ed. "Oh boy, Cornello is so **cool**!"

"Well well, things are busy today," commented a cheerful voice.

"Oh, hello there Rosé," greeted the barman as a young woman approached the bar. She had ruddy skin, deep purple eyes and long, dark brown hair with pink bangs that parted in the center.

_Yup, that's how you _know _we're in an anime, _thought Eddy (as his jaw dropped open). _Those pink highlights must be natural. _Double D was trying to hide the fact that he was blushing, but Eddy caught it anyway. "Sure is nice, huh?" he whispered to him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Eddy snickered.

"Off to the temple today Rosé?" the barman asked.

"Yes, I'm going to make some offerings," Rosé replied, when she noticed the Elrics. "Oh, I haven't seen you two around before,"

"They're alchemists, and they seem to be looking for something," the barman explained.

"Oh, well then, I'd love to help you find whatever you're looking for," Rosé said and set off.

"Hey Sockhead, get your jaw off the ground!" Eddy dope-slapped his friend upside the head.

* * *

**And...you have the third chapter. I promise to get the next one out soon (working on it as we speak...read...yeah.). There's an OC coming up much later on by the way. LOL, Eddy wants to use Edo in a scam! Coming up next: Ed and Al expose Cornello's fraud, and the Eds make it even more insane. 'Til then, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4: Cornello Gets Pwned!

**I'm happy about the third chapter...it was kind of tricky to write, but the best part was Eddy's plan to charge people for Edo's autograph! Poor Edd...he's stuck with him and 'Space Case' Ed. Wait 'till you see what happens in this chappy! WARNINGS: RoséXEdd shipping hinted at, EddyXEdd moments (unintended), Edo getting pissed off, Ed getting into trouble, and...Eddy. Just Eddy.**

* * *

"Well, what do you think, Double D?" asked Eddy, the stand already set up.

"You're going to exploit him for a profit and you want me to applaud the effort?"

As if on cue, Ed started clapping. "Alright! Go Eddy!" Edd facepalmed.

"Where'd blondy go anyway?"

"If I recall correctly he headed into that temple over there,"

"Mind running in and getting him for me? I don't want anyone touching the stand," said Eddy. When the other two Eds left, he started thinking about how much money he'd make, and all the ways he'd spend it...like getting Double D a new hat! The best part was how easy this was going to be. _T__his is great! No coming up with a scam or nothin'! The best way to make some cash is right in front of us! Man I love this universe!_

Meanwhile, Ed and Edd walked into the Letoist temple, just to catch the middle of a religious debate between Edo and Rosé.

"What about bringing the dead back to life?" Edo asked Rosé, at which Ed perked up. "Do you believe that's possible too?"

"Yes," she said, convicted in her answer. Ed and Double D looked at each other. Ed and Rosé still had no idea they were here, and considering what was going on, this was probably a bad time to ask Edo for favors.

Edo let out a sigh. He pulled out a book and began to list off "Water: 35 liters; carbon: 20 kilograms; amonia:4 liters; lime: 1.5 kilograms; phosphouros: 800 grams; salt: 250 grams; saltpeter: 100 grams and various other trace elements," Rosé looked completely confused.

"That list represents the complete chemical composition of the human body for the average adult, calculated down to the last microgram but still, there's never been one successful reported case of creating human life. And you're telling me that prayer can do what modern science can't?"

"When you have faith and trust in God, all things are possible,"

_Oh dear, _thought Double D. _This is only going to get ugly._ He turned to Ed and whispered "I don't think this is a very good time to ask the Fullmetal Alchemist any favors,"

Finally, Edo said, "So, tell me, do you think this Cornello of yours could save a hopeless unbelieving scientist like me?" Rosé beamed. "Yes, absolutely," she said.

_Hmm, that's strange,_ Edd thought. _He seems to have changed his mind rather quickly._

Then, the two of them started heading for the back door. Ed and Double D quickly ran into a confessional for cover. When the coast was clear, they followed close behind them.

* * *

Edo walked out of the temple and into the streets of downtown Liore. All of a sudden, a swarm of people crowded around him.

"Hey mister, can I have your autograph?"  
"Yeah, I paid a buck to get yours!"  
"Could you sign my back?"

"What the hell is going on here?" Edo yelled. That's when Eddy strolled over to him with a jar full of money.

"Hey there Edward Emmic,"

"Elric,"

"Yeah, whatever," he walked with him down the road casually smiling. "Look, see, I charged these good fans of yours money to get your autograph; you can have fifty percent of the profits, and all you have to do is sign your name for these folks!"

"Oh really," said Ed, looking at Eddy. He backhanded him across the face with his right arm. "I'm a little busy to be signing autographs, you jerk! You didn't even ask me about this!"

Eddy spat out a tooth before saying, "Heh, well...are you gonna say no to these good people? Who payed good money to get your signature? Come on Edo, do it for your fans," There was a moment of silence for a minute, while Edo thought it over. Finally, he decided he'd do the right thing. He punched Eddy in the face with his automail and began signing away.

"Eddy!" Double D called out to him. He ran over to check and see if he was okay. "Eddy! Oh, this is what happens when you exploit others for your own personal gain. Look what he's done to you,"

After Eddy spat up some blood, he said, "He'll get over it. Besides, we're twenty bucks richer now!"

"Twenty Eddy? Twenty dollars won't afford us train fare!"

"Yeah it will. This is like, the twenties, right?"

Edd facepalmed. He couldn't believe who he was dealing with. Had Eddy completely lost it now?

* * *

So after Ed was done signing autographs for everyone in Liore who payed for it, he came to see Cornello. For some reason, Eddy decided to stay behind, but Ed and Double D followed along with Alphonse and Rosé.

"Father Cornello is a busy man, as you can imagine," said Brother Cray, leading them through a large set of doors. "But fortunately for you, he's decided to spare a moment with you,"

"Well, I sure am grateful," said Edward. "Don't worry, I won't be long," Suddenly, Brother Cray pulled a gun out and pointed it at Alphonse.

"Brother Cray!" Rosé gasped. "Why are you doing this?"

"Rosé, these are heathens who have come to discredit the Father. They're evil and need to be eliminated,"

"No Brother Cray!" cried Rosé.

"Well, like I said, let's make this quick!" Edo took out one of the guards with a roundhouse kick, grabbing his staff. He then delivered a hard kick to Brother Cray's face with his automail leg, sending him crashing to the floor.

"Ed! Behind you!" Double D called out. One of the guards was about to overpower him when Ed turned his head, crashing into the guard and knocking the man out. "Oops," he said. "I think I broke him,"

"Oh yeah, strike!" said Edo.

"Whoop! We showed them!" said Ed.

"So is this the great Fullmetal Alchemist?" said a voice. "Welcome to the home of the Sect of Letoism,"

"Father Cornello!" said Rosé, happy to see him.

"I apologize for my disciples' behavior. It seems they've been misguided,"

"Okay, let's just say I buy that line for a second," said Edo. _Can the guy at least come up with a good lie?_

"Have you come to learn the ways of Leto?"

"Well, I have a few questions," said Edward. "Like how you've been using second-rate alchemy to decieve your followers,"

"My boy, I've never relied on alchemy, these are the miracles of the Sun God Leto," Cornello produced a small statue of Leto in a flash of red light from his hands. "You see? Could alchemy make something out of nothing?"

Ed clapped. "Do it again! Whoot!" Edward ignored him. "That's what confused me. How could you perform transmutations that ignore the law of equivalent exchange?"

"I told you, because it's not alchemy! It is the works of the god Leto!"

"And then it occured to me; if you had something to amplify your alchemy and bypass equivalency, you could easily transmute in ways that pass for miracles,"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the Philosopher's Stone; Your ring! That's it, isn't it?"

"This ring is just a ring. I am the avatar of God and it is from him that I derive my power!"

"Still playing that phony line? I guess I'll have to come over there and beat some truth out of you!"

"You really are the incorrigible heathen, aren't you? Rosé dear, pick up that gun; I want you to shoot the Fullmetal Alchemist,"

Rosé looked shocked. He had asked her to take the life of another person...to kill him...but Cornello was the emissary...the avatar of God...

"Rosé, no!" Double D cried. "Don't shoot him!"

"You know what? Shoot those two as well; they're not of any use anyway,"

"WHAT? How far a level of depravicy have you taken?" Double D yelled, horrified. Rosé picked up the gun on the floor, her hands trembling as she held it up to Alphonse.

"No, I'm not the Fullmetal Alchemist!" Al said.

"What?"

"I'm the real Fullmetal Alchemist! It's me! Me!" shouted Edward. Rosé fired and barely missed Ed's antenna. "WWAAAHH!"

"What? Really? It's the short one?"

"Don't call me short!" Edo yelled. Rosé fired another shot, this time blowing Alphonse's head clean off. She couldn't believe she had just killed him.

"Well done Rosé, Leto is pleased with you," Cornello praised her. Suddenly, the armor stood back up. Rosé gasped, Edd's eyes bugged out, and Ed just said "Whoa!"

"What? That's impossible!" said Cornello in disbelief.

"But...I thought I..." Rosé stuttered.

"Nah, he's fine," said Edward as Alphonse picked up his head. "He's pretty solid,"

"See Rosé, no harm done," Alphonse showed Rosé the inside of his armor; it was completely empty.

"Oh, that is so awesome!" Ed said when he saw the empty armor.

"You see that! An empty suit of armor that can speak! Surely now you see what an abomination these heathens are!"

"Ooooh..." Ed peered into the armor before Alphonse put his head back on. "This reminds me of a movie I saw once," he said.

"My chimera would be up to the task of eliminating you," said Cornello, as a freakish creature, half lion, half lizard, stepped out of the shadows.

"Oh, cool!" said Ed, smiling at the thing.

"Are you gonna ogle at every frickin' thing that's weird!" Edward shouted at him. He clapped his hands together, and produced a spear from the ground.

"Impossible! How could you transmute without a circle?" exclaimed Cornello.

"How did you manage to do such a thing?" asked Double D, amazed at what Edward did. "Could you by any chance teach me how you do that? That is, if and when we survive this ordeal,"

The chimera pounced at Edward, snapped his piddly spear in half, and clawed at his leg. "Ha! Your weapons are no match for chimera claws that can cut iron!"

"Oh yeah? He only cut my pants," said Edo, whose automail shined in the light in an act of glistening fanservice. The chimera sprang forward for a second attack. Edward blocked it with his right arm. The chimera tried to bite down, but it was cold, hard metal. "What's the matter, kitty? Can't get a better taste?" He pushed the chimera away.

"What? No way!" exclaimed Cornello. "Fine then, get those two!" he pointed at Ed and Double D. "They're annoying anyway,"

The chimera lept at them, Double D ran for cover, while Ed held his arms out. "Aw, who wants a hug!" And he did just that - he hugged the chimera. He squeezed that thing so tight that it died. "Oh, I think I broke it! NOOOO!"

"Wha- okay, who the hell are you?" Cornello said, confused. "What the hell is with those two guys?"

"You think I know?" said Edward, looking over at Ed moaning over the dead 'kitty'. "They just showed up. I've been trying to get away from them but they always seem to come right back,"

"Well then, I suppose you can escape them one way," said Cornello, transmuting his cane into a gun. "I'll simply send you back to God!" He fired several blasts, creating a huge dust cloud around Edward. When the smoke cleared, there was a stone wall where Edward once stood.

"Sorry, I don't think that's gonna work," said Edward. "See, me and God aren't on good terms. If you send me to him, he'd probably just send me back,"

Alphonse and Edward started to run, and Ed and Double D followed close behind. Cornello started firing like crazy at them, but Edward narrowly escaped by transmuting a door out of the wall. The party ran down the hall into a small group of guards. "After them! They're heathens who have come to desecrate Leto!" Cornello ordered them.

Edward was headed toward a small party of three or four guards. "It's no big deal, he's just a kid," said one of them. With that, Ed transmuted his automail arm into a giant knife. "Holy frickin' crap! That kid's a psycho!" The guards went running.

"'Scuse me! Coming through!" Ed plowed through the guards like a linebacker, not even phased by them trying to stand in his way. It was like he was made of iron. And speaking of...

"What happened to the bell?" the bell ringer said when he looked up. In the background, Al snuck away with the bell in his hands.

* * *

Cornello ran into his office, furious at the Fullmetal boy. "That insolent runt thinks he can ruin my plans," he mumbled. "I'll show him! I am the avatar of the god Leto!" when he arrived in his office, he saw none other than Edward Elric sitting on his desk. He had a pleasent smile on his face. Okay, it was more like a smug grin, but pretty happy for someone who lost half their shirt.

"You boy! What are you doing here?"

"Hey!" Ed waved. "Can we just cut the crap and talk here? I just want some answers about the stone. Just tell me what I need to know and I'll be on my way. Unless you want the military involved,"

Cornello growled at him, but agreed to talk and closed the door behind him. "Fine, ask your questions,"

Ed smirked. "Answer me this. You can do whatever you want with the stone, right? So why waste your time with phony miracles and a false sect?"

"Because with each miracle I can attract more believers to the sect of Leto. People who would be willing to die for me. I'm slowly but surely building an army of believers who will follow me, unafraid to die! Soon I will have enough people to tear this country apart! And who knows; I might even let you have a share! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Edward laughed along with him. Then Ed started laughing from behind the desk. Cornello stopped laughing. "Hey, what's so funny?"

"You!" said Edward, holding up a power switch. "You're nothing but a third-rate hack! You totally fell for it!" Cornello looked from the switch to the power cord...to the microphone on the floor in front of him.

"SON OF A B****!"

"Um, what just happened?" said Eddy, standing out on a street corner.

"Wha...how long has that been on?" Cornello shreiked.

"From the start. All your believers heard the whole thing," Edward said.

"How could you? You'll pay dearly for this!" he transmuted his cane into a gun, but Edward sliced it clean in half with his arm-blade. "Face it Cornello," he said. "You and I aren't even in the same league,"

"No! I will not be outdone by some dog of the military!" he tried to transmute his gun, but it rebounded hard and merged with his arm. "AARRGH!"

"Shut up!" said Edward. "Now hand over the stone!" Then out of nowhere, the stone on Cornello's ring crumbled into dust.

"Wha...it was a fake?" Edward couldn't believe it. "We came all this way...and it was a fake?"

"No! Spare me! I don't know anything! I'm nothing without that stone!"

"You bastard!" Edward sent the giant statue of Leto bursting through the floor. "Feel the iron fist of God's wrath!" Cornello tried to make a run for it, but Ed blocked the door. He tried to push Ed out of the way. Big mistake.

"YOU WILL DIIIIIEEEEE!" Ed sent Cornello flying across the room with a hard blow to the face. Double D came running in a second later. "Oh dear," he said. "Not again," he quickly dove at Ed's foot.

"You're next!" he roared. Edd grabbed his leg for dear life, and carefully took off his shoe before getting flung against a wall. A tiny pebble fell out from it. Ed made the most spectacular mood swing since...the actual episode this first happened in. "Double D!" he gave his buddy a big hug...not that Edd was enjoying it too much.

Edward and Alphonse stormed out of the building, when Eddy saw the two of them coming. He ran up to Edward and said "Hey, Edo! I split the profits, thanks for helping me out!"

Edward glared at him, and smacked him upside the head with his automail. He walked off.

"Hey, where were you guys?" he asked as Ed and Double D came over.

"Nearly getting killed while you were counting your money," Edd answered. And with that, he hit Eddy upside the head.

* * *

**Yes, fourth chapter done! Coming up: The Eds spend some of their money, and (maybe) an OC comes in!  
Edo: Review!  
Eddy: Why do I keep getting smacked around?  
*Edo smacks Eddy*  
Eddy: Will you cut that out!  
Ed: NO! Kitty come back!  
Edd: Um, Ed? How long have you been holding that dead chimera?  
Al: Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5: The Girl With The Fork

**Well, so far the Eds have met the Elric brothers, pwned Cornello, and made a little money along the way. Now they're in some town called New Optain (which I found on an Amestrian map - it was the closest city to Liore that I could find), trying to figure out what their next move is, when they meet...someone new. That is all.  
Warnings: None really. Just...Eddy. He's always doing something.**

* * *

So, the Eds left Liore with just enough money to ride the train in the stowaway seats. Edd gave Eddy something like an 'I told you so' about the measly $20 not being enough, but Eddy rolled his eyes and told Double D to stop being a nag. Anyway, they arrived at their destination and finally squeezed out of their hiding place to come into some town. Not really knowing what else to do, Edd bought a map of Amestris, Eddy took off with some of the money, and Ed found a chicken. It took forever for said chicken to finally be returned to its owner.

"Where are we anyway, Double D?" asked Eddy as the trio walked through the streets of the city they recently came to.

"Well," said Double D, looking at the map, "I believe we're currently in...a city called New Optain*,"

"Good Lord!" Eddy exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "Can't these people think of something in English?"

"Aw, look, chickens!" said Ed happily.

"Ed, please, those chickens belong to someone, and I don't believe they'd appreciate you -" said Edd, who was completely ignored by his friend as he went up to pet the chicke. "Ed? Ed, come back!"

"Don't worry about it, he'll be fine," Eddy said. "Oh yeah, that reminds me; I got you something,"

Eddy pulled out a book from his pocket (which was oddly able to fit the book in it) and handed it to Double D. It was fairly thick, hardcover, and had the title 'Beginner's Guide to Alchemy.' Edd lit up like a lightbulb as soon as he saw it.

"Eddy! Oh, you shouldn't have!" He grabbed the book and started flipping through it, looking like a little kid on Christmas morning. "Thank you Eddy! How did you know?"

"Dude, you were ready to piss yourself when that tin man fixed the radio. I saw it and thought you'd like it,"

"Aw, he's so cute!" Ed came back with a brown chicken in his hands. _Oh yeah,_ Eddy thought. **_Ed._**

"Look at him! The little dickens," Ed was now stroking the chicken the way most people would a cat.

"Um, Ed, where did you get that chicken?" asked Double D. Ed just shrugged as his face turned red. Suddenly there was a shout from a ways off.

"Hey! Gimme back my chicken you thief!"

"Uh-oh," said Eddy. "We gotta book!" And off they ran. Unfortunately for them, this guy had a gun.

"AAHhh! Put the damn chicken down Ed!" Eddy screamed as he _barely_ missed a bullet to his keester.

"Ed! Just give him back the chicken!" cried Edd.

Ed tried going into chibi mode, to which Edd and Eddy followed suit. It didn't work.

"NOOOOO!" Edd screamed.

They ran and ran and ran from the rain of bullets, in a way that was _humanly impossible _to do in real life, but hey, it's not real life, so they did it. Zipping in and out of alleyways, it almost seemed like this guy was shooting to be a trigger happy maniac. Then, all of a sudden, he...stopped.

"Wha...*huff*...what ju...*huff*...just happened?" panted Eddy, almost having a heart attack. The man was doubled over on the ground, clutching his knee, which was actually bleeding profusely. He proceeded to pull a..._fork?_...from the bloody wound as he continued to moan.

_"Cool,"_ whispered Ed. Double D had officially passed out.

"He went down cuz of a _fork_?" Eddy couldn't believe his eyes. This story was getting weirder by the second. That's when he saw a little girl wearing tattered up blue overalls coming toward them. She had dark skin and short, messy white hair, but her eyes were obscured by a pair of shades. The unusual part of this was that it wasn't even very bright outside.

"Hey guys, look at the kid over there," Eddy pointed. Ed was still trying to get Edd to wake up, but he looked in the direction Eddy was pointing. She came closer to the three of them, and as it turned out, she was pretty short; easily a foot shorter than _Eddy_. The kid couldn't have been more than nine years old.

"Hey kid!" Eddy called to her. "Were you the one who forked that guy back there?"

She nodded.

"Hey! I asked a question! Speak up!" Eddy shouted. She only looked up at him, and gave him a blank stare (though it was hard to tell with the glasses).

"Eddy, maybe she's just shy. You need to have a little consideration," said Double D.

"Consideration my a$$!" Eddy mumbled to himself.

"Hello, my name is Ed," said the tallest of the Eds, offering his hand for her to shake. She looked at it, and took it, giving it a friendly responding handshake. Ed smiled from ear to ear.

"Kid, can you talk at all?" Eddy said, somewhat suspicious of her. She took her glasses off to reveal two big _red eyes_, then blinked once, then put the glasses back on.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take that as a no," said Eddy. He couldn't help but think that she looked very cute, even for someone with red eyes. Guess that's the power of anime, he thought.

"Little girl, where are your parents?" Double D asked politely. Her only response was a glare that put a _whole_ new emphasis on _'if looks could kill,'_ causing Double D to flinch. "Oh my," he gasped. "I suppose that was a rather sensitive topic for her,"

"Okay, so you saved us or whatever, does that mean you're gonna follow us now or something?" Eddy asked the kid. She nodded.

"Great, now let's find a place to go," he pulled out the Amestian map and scanned it over. Then he glanced over at the girl. "Hey kid. You live here, right? Got any ideas for where we could go?"

The girl studied the map very carefully, then took her glasses off for a better look. After a few moments of squinting and darting her eyes, she finally pointed to a city smack in the middle of the map. The other Eds came over to look.

"Central City, huh?" said Eddy. "Perfect,"

* * *

* New Optain is an actual town in Amestris. I looked it up on a map, FYI.

**Okay, so that's the end of the chapter. Awesome, huh? The Eds really are having some thrills here in the FMA world, eh? They found New Optain, stole a chicken, almost got shot, and met a new friend who knows fork-fu! Promise I'll get the next chappy out ASAP!**

**Another note: In case you haven't noticed, the little girl the Eds met is an Ishbalan. The Ishbalans in this version of FMA all have dark skin and white hair, instead of black like in the first anime. Also, she wears the glasses because Ishbalans fear discrimination from the blonde and blue-eyed Amestrians, so that's why people like Scar and Miles don shades so they can "pass," for those of you who weren't aware.**


	6. Chapter 6: On the Road to Central City

**Well, Chapter 5 went pretty well...did you think the part where the guy was shooting at the Eds over a chicken? Anyways, I have another story out, you should read it! ;)**

**So, now that the Eds hooked up with the Ishbalan girl, they're headed for Central City. Meanwhile, Edo-kun is still getting over being attacked by Scar. Let's see what happens...**

* * *

"I'm not sure about the girl, Double D," said Eddy as the three Eds huddled around a fire in an alleyway, the girl sitting a little ways off from them. "Something about her just seems suspicious,"

"Eddy, if you wish to speak ill another person, at least have the courtesy to do so outside their line of hearing," Edd whispered back, glancing over at her.

"She can't talk," Eddy shrugged.

"But who's to say she can't understand us? And considering she's already proven to comprehend other's dialogue, it's fairly obvious she can very easily determine what we're saying,"

"For God's sakes, can you use smaller words to save your life?"

"I wonder what are parents are doing," Ed pondered. The other two looked at each other, realizing that Ed had a point.

"Oh dear," Edd gasped. "What could our parents be thinking of this right now? They haven't the slightest idea where we've gone and-"

"I wouldn't worry about it," Eddy yawned. "We get back when we get back,"

"Eddy, how exactly do you plan on getting us back?"

Eddy froze at that. "We're in another dimention Eddy," Edd continued. "We came here through pure chance! How do you expect us a way home? Could you guarentee it?"

"Another dimention, huh?" came another voice.

All three Eds whipped their heads around to see who it was. They saw no one save the little red-eyed girl with them, who gave them a blank expression.

"That's not something you hear everyday, now is it?" This time, it was crystal clear who the voice belonged to - it was her.

"You can talk?" All three Eds said in unison.

"Yeah," she blinked.

"Holy ** on a ** sandwich!"' Ed exclaimed.

Eddy stormed up to her and grabbed her by the straps of her overalls. He lifted her so she was at eye level with him.

"You. Said. You couldn't. Talk!" he shouted, a little too loud for someone in an alley. Her expression had all the emotion of someone with a botox overdose.

"No, I never said anything, did I?" she said.

"I asked you if you could speak, you blinked once!"

"One blink means yes,"

"RRRRggggghhhh! Why you little -"

"Eddy no!" Double D stepped in before he could punch her. "Put her down, Eddy!"

He did, but grudgingly. She brushed herself off without the slightest bit of emotion on her face, and looked up at him.

"What's your name, anyway?" Eddy asked, still so angry his eyebrows connected*.

"Calla,"

"What's your deal here, anyway?"

"I am a child of the great god Ishbala,"

"Uh...'kay," Eddy didn't know what a 'child of the great god Ishbala' meant, but he hoped it wasn't like that Leto stuff. Then again, he wouldn't be surprised if it was...

"So here's another one for ya," Eddy said, pretending to be an interrogator on CSI:Miami. "How come you saved us when it was none of your business anyway?"

She looked at him sideways, not in the least bit impressed with the act. "He had no business shooting at you," she answered bluntly. "and that wasn't even his chicken,"

"But seriously, why did you fork him in the knee?"

"He's an Amestrian," she said, almost like mentioning something that made her puke. "shooting at outsiders for no reason. The local maniac,"

"What's Amestrian?" asked Eddy.

"Is it an evil race of aliens?" Ed guessed.

Calla grimaced a bit. "You could say that,"

For a while, no one spoke. Finally, Edd said "Why don't we all get some rest. It's getting late, and we've got ourselves a big day tomorrow,"

* * *

The four woke early at dawn to the sound of a chicken screaming. Actually, it was more like three in the morning, and the chicken was crowing from Ed's jacket.

"You still haven't gotten rid of that stupid bird?" Eddy screeched.

"But Eddy," Ed tried to say.

"That damn bird has no sense of time! It's not morning yet!"

"Actually Eddy, roosters will crow at any given time of day, not necessarily limiting themselves to the early morning,"

"Rrrrrgggghhhh!" Eddy growled as the bird continued to howl. "Let's just kill the damn thing!"

"No Eddy!" Ed said, hiding the chicken. "You can't kill the chicken!"

"Oh Ishbala, how you test me so," sighed Calla as she watched the three of them fight. Hopefully they would settle down, let the bird go, and get back to sleep. It took till dawn for that to finally happen.

* * *

"You don't have any money, huh?" Calla thought hard about it for a while, after mentally asking Ishbala why he insisted on testing her faith so much. Finally, she came up with a plan. "We'll have to go on foot for a while,"

"Are you nuts?" Eddy spat. "You want us to walk there?"

"How do you think I travel?" she pointed down at her feet, bare and covered in dirt. "God gave us feet so we could walk,"

"Well, not to object to your suggestion Calla, but going about on foot would be quite the task if we wish to arrive in Central City on time,"

"So you object,"

"Wha...no, I...was merely stating one of the shortcomings of traversing by foot,"

"What's the rush?" she shrugged as she started heading in the direction of Central, when Eddy stopped her and grabbed her by her overalls.

"Hold it!" he shouted. "Who put you in charge here? Why are you ordering us around all of a sudden?"

"I'm not," she said without changing her expression. "Now put me down,"

He did, a bit grudgingly. "You wanna tell us we have to walk to Central City and then tell me you're not bossing us around,"

"It wasn't an order," she said in a matter-of fact tone. "You have a better idea? Be my guest,"

"Eddy," Edd stepped over and said quietly to him, "Please have some patience now. She's offering a help to us as a way of showing courtesy. You shouldn't act so adversely if she means well,"

"I don't trust that street rat," he hissed back. "She's got a poker face up nonstop, don't you think that's a bit creepy?"

"So you're saying that because she's a tad too stoic for your liking it gives reason to distrust her?"

"Um, yeah,"

_Do the two of them realize I can hear them?_ Calla thought to herself, rolling her eyes. The Eds stopped bickering finally and followed her. It's not like I'm planning on walking the whole way. _No,_ she thought, _just until I can salvage enough for train fare_. She put on her sunglasses to conceal the crimson orbs of her Ishbalan race - this way she could "pass" in this place and blend into the crowd. People thought that a small child in sunglasses was kind of cute, which in itself was an advantage, as it never occured to _anyone_ that the cute little girl in overalls and glasses was a common thief. She would pick out the most Aryan ones, wait for when their backs turned, and take only what she needed, nothing more. Of course, she wouldn't let the boys know about this, since they'd probably just report her anyway. It wasn't unjust to do it though - after all, _they_ took far more from her than what she would ever be able to take in a lifetime. And didn't this thing they called alchemy base itself in equivalent exchange?

"Shouldn't you lead?" she asked Eddy. "I mean, being the _real_ leader in the group, I presume,"

"Don't get smart with me," he grumbled.

"You've got the map," she pointed out.

"Huh...uh, yeah, whatever," Eddy said, unfolding it and asking himself why he didn't just buy a GPS.

* * *

*Seriously, watch for it the next time Eddy gets mad.

**Yay, another chapter! This one was a bit more serious, don't you think? BTW, who caught the shout-out in this chapter? I couldn't help myself, I just had to have Ed use that line! XD My goal is to have one shout-out per chapter (Tee-hee!). Anyway, now that we know a ton more about Calla, isn't it funny how she and Eddy fight? They're like Tom and Jerry...no, Ed and Envy! Yeah, that's it! XD**

**'Kay, so, please review! ^_^**


	7. Chapter 7: Edd's First Transmutation

**I'm back kiddies! :D Yes, I've been working on other stories, but I'm starting to regret taking on...4 (5 if you count MMQC) stories at the same time! :0 Sheesh with the emoticons! Heh, so yeah...anyways, I'm making a point to have Double D use alchemy here, since he's learning how to do it. Plus, the Eds and Calla are gonna meet up with Ed and Al, and Eddy once again does something dumb. Will Ed finally get rid of the chicken? Will Ishbala stop testing Calla's faith? Probably not. Here comes the story!**

**Warnings: Eddy's pottymouth, ho yay, and some other stuff. Oh, and shards of the fourth wall flying out at you might happen too.**

* * *

Double D had his nose permanently fixed between the pages of his book, utterly consumed with every page of it. He'd been reading for an hour and a half now, and Eddy pouted as he glanced over at his friend.

"Really? How long does it take you to flip through that thing, anyway?"

No answer.

"Double D! I'm frickin' **_talking_** to you!"

He slowly looked up from the pages to finally meet Eddy's eyes. "Eddy, we're not in a rush right now. Please, be a little more considerate of others,"

"Considerate? You've been at it for over an hour,"

"It's a very captivating subject,"

Eddy groaned. "Nerd," he muttered.

"Oh, hey Eddy, I just found my old toy. It was in my coat pocket next to the chicken," Ed said, proudly holding up the little oni-like figure for Eddy to see. Eddy remembered that thing...too damn well, when Ed pulled the string in the back and barbequed his head.*

"Nice Ed. And how the hell are we supposed to use that thing, huh?" Eddy smacked it out of Ed's hands. "It's not gonna make us money, and it's not gonna get us to Central! Why. Do. I. CARE?"

"But Eddy! It's a collectable!" Ed protested, picking it up off the ground. "Diablo del Lazor!"**

"Whatever that thing is, I don't give a damn!"

Calla was watching this whole thing, rolling her eyes. _Please,_ she thought to herself, _as if you need to act this self-important. What an egomaniac!_

"And you!" Eddy pointed at the Ishbalan. "What are you doing just sitting there?"

She just glared at him.

"I know you can talk!"

She blinked.

"Answer already!"

"Calm down," she said, barely above a whisper. "What's your problem?"

"Calm down? What's my problem? I'll tell you what's my deal! I haven't come up with a good scam in three days! Three! And the rest of you are just sitting around like there ain't nothing to it! Like we're not on a mission or anything!"

"We're not," she said flatly. "So what's the rush?"

"Do we want to be here forever? We have to get back to Peach Creek you guys!"

"I don't," she said. "And how will going to Central help get you home any faster? How will it benefit at all, for anything? You're worked up over nothing,"

"Shut up!"

"I'll give you the floor,"

"There," Edd finally piped up, looking down happily at the array that he'd just drawn in the ground. "Just like the directions stated. Now all I need is some proper material to transmute and I'll be ready to begin my first transmutation,"

"And you Sockhead!"

"Eddy,"

"Are you finally done stuffing your damn nose into that book?"

"I'm practicing, Eddy," Edd explained. "Alchemy is an art as well as a science, and it takes extensive focus and concentration to achieve properly,"

"Yeah yeah, blah blah whatever," Eddy grumbled.

"Um, Ed? That glass bottle over there, could you hand me that please?"

Ed ran over and got an empty beer bottle lying in the corner of their little camp under the bridge. Double D took it.

"Thank you Ed,"

"Don't mention it Double D!" he said smiling.

Edd promptly took out a sanitizing toilette and wiped down the bottle while muttering "Messy messy messy..." as he cleaned off any germs and bacteria that might have been on it.

"This should be good," Eddy said, rolling his eyes. Calla just looked on in silence, her usual bored expression hiding her inner hope for Edd's success.

"Gentlemen," Edd announced proudly. "You are about to witness a physiological breakthrough in science; I will perform a transmutation on this glass bottle,"

"Yay!" Ed clapped and cheered. Eddy crossed his arms over his chest, while Calla looked on without a change in expression, save for taking off her glasses.

"And now..." he flipped through the book for the next direction. "...oh dear," Double D glanced from the book to the bottle, a little nervously. "It says that this transmutation requires the bottle to be broken..." he looked back at the beer bottle. "Oh dear,"

"Dude, it's just a bottle," Eddy said.

"Uh, well then, I suppose I should make the proper specifications..." Edd gingerly picked up the bottle and tried to slam it against the ground. Of course, being Edd, he was unsuccessful, but he managed to make the feat look downright spectacular. Sad and a bit pitiful to watch, but no less epic. Calla wasn't sure whether to applaud or facepalm. Finally, Eddy came over and shattered the glass to bits at Edd's feet.

"Whoo! Yay Eddy!" Ed cheered.

"Happy now?" Eddy snapped.

"Yes, well...thank you for that, Eddy," Double D said a bit annoyed. He watched Eddy storm off grumbling about how many geniuses it takes to brake a frickin glass bottle or something like that. He didn't say frickin.

"Alright then," Edd resumed his previously upbeat tone, "Now that the components are in place, allow me to rearrange this bottle to its original shape," The other Ed boys and Calla looked on eagerly, waiting for something to happen. Double D clapped both his hands in front of him before planting both squarely in front of him on the edge of the transmutation circle. Eyes closed, body straight, he concentrated hard on the process, as sparks of blue-white light flashed from beneath his palms.

"Whoa," Eddy gawked, jaw dropping.

"Cool," Ed breathed.

Edd maintained his focus on the process, the bluish light getting stronger and more wild. The fragments of the glass could faintly be seen reconnecting into a solid shape, until the sparks disappeared to reveal the bottle intact as it had been moments ago.

"Oh yeah! Do it again!" Ed clapped excitedly. Eddy stared in amazement "Damn," he said. "That was sweet," he couldn't be sure, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Calla's eyes had grown wide. He almost swore he saw her smile.

"Good job," she said, clapping her hands faintly and not really changing her expression. Edd beamed.

"Thank you all, and I hope to achieve greater experience in transmutation with practice..."

"Double D!" Eddy jumped up, and nearly pounced on his friend. "I've got it! That's it! I've got the perfect scam!"

Double D's face fell. Calla facepalmed.

"Oh, Double D, you could try it with a radio now," Ed piped up gleefully. "Or maybe you could bring the dead back to life like zombies, just like Cornello did!"

"Yeah, that's one thing we could do," Eddy chimed in, slinging his arm around Edd's shoulder. "And now that you showed us what you can do, we can use that talent of yours to make a profit,"

"Eddy," Double D scoffed. "You should be ashamed of yourself! Must you always insist on manipulating others for your own personal gain?"

"Personal?" Eddy tried to look innocent, which, amazingly, _wasn't working_ with Double D, "No! I never said that! I thought we could always use the profits for us, as a team! Ed, we could get you...uh...zombies?"

"Alright!"

_"Yeah,"_ Eddy said. "And you Calla; for you, plot relevance,"

"Speak for yourself,"

"And you Double D, I already got you that book, right? I'll get you a new hat!"

"Eddy," Double D sighed. "That's not the point. I don't appreciate you using others this way. It's unethical and amoral,"

"Oh blah blah blah Sockhead!" Eddy threw his arms up. "I'll go after that Eric kid...er, Fullmetal guy. Would you like that better?"

"NO!" Edd snapped back. "I don't want you doing it at all!"

"Then how am I supposed to come up with cash, Double D?"

Edd groaned. "Fine. Come up with a zany scheme if you must, but please, I ask you, do not get innocent people involved in this!"

"Since when are you innocent?" Eddy asked teasingly.

"Eddy, not now!" Edd said. Calla raised an eyebrow.

"Okay then, I'll get the stuff ready and plan...something without you, alchemy boy,"

Shortly afterwards, Eddy had a stand set up and was pacing back and forth under the bridge, trying to think up an alchemy-less scam. He couldn't, so when Edd came out to ask how he was doing, Eddy's only response was a pout and the words "Great! Dandy! Just fabulous!"

"Would you like me to offer assistance?"

"You'd do that?"

"Most certainly Eddy,"

"Great!" Eddy nearly glomped Double D from sheer happiness. Edd was soon regretting his offer as Eddy's scam involved the use of chicken wire, a light socket, and several crochet needles in a way that was both dangerous and disastrous. Somehow, it still made the Ed boys a sizable profit.

"Oh baby!" Eddy shouted, holding up the jar of quarters "We made it! We've got like thirty bucks now!"

"It still barely affords us train fare, but I must say what you did was quite impressive," Edd remarked.

"If we hide the tyke in Ed's jacket, no one will know," Eddy said.

_I'm the tyke now?_ Calla thought._ Huh._

"Eddy, could you do that again? The part where you used the socket to make an explosion?" Ed pressed.

"Uh...Ed, that was...yeah...no. No. Just no. Okay?"

"Awww!"

"You still have that chicken with you?"

* * *

The Ed boys arrived in Central three days after boarding their first train in Amestris. It was like the New York City of...uh, of not-New York. The place was incredible to them, with the tall buildings, bright lights and various people running around. The Eds came from Peach Creek, and Calla certainly hadn't been to a city this big in her life before. Everyone had their mouth open wide, on the ground and eyes bugging out of their head.

"WHOooooo..." Ed managed to say.

"Sweet!" Eddy giggled. "This is just like the movies," he said. "Only smellier,"

"My, this is turning out to be quite the adventure," Edd remarked. That's when Ed remembered the kid from Liore who they had met when they first came to Amestris.

"Remember the Fullmetal Alchemist?" Ed asked the others. "I wanna see him again. Maybe he can fix a bottle like Double D,"

"Ed, I'm not sure if we'll find him here. The Fullmetal Alchemist said he'd be in Central, but he didn't specify where exactly he would be. For all we know he could probably have left here by now,"

"I doubt it," said Eddy.

"Perhaps you're a bit too optimistic," Edd replied.

Calla didn't speak up on it, but on hearing the words "Fullmetal Alchemist," she knew that meant he was part of the military. Interested to see who this Fullmetal was, she decided to stick around and help them find him.

"He'd be at the Headquarters, most likely," she chimed in. Edd looked at her.

"Yes, thank you Calla. Why did that never cross my mind, I wonder?"

After asking of the Fullmetal Alchemist's whereabouts, they soon found out that Ed was in the hospital, recovering from an encounter with a serial killer.

"Yeah, he nearly got killed by that Scar guy," one person remarked.

_Scar?_ Calla thought to herself. She'd heard of him before, right? _Wasn't he the one who attacked_ _state alchemists?_ She would have asked, but didn't want to draw attention. No, that would be too risky, especially around Amestrians.

When the Eds and Calla arrived at the hospital, they asked if they could see Edward Eric.

"You mean, Edward Elric, right?"

"Yeah, that," Eddy shrugged.

They strolled into the room where Edward was supposed to be, and when they found him, Fullmetal's face went pale.

"Oh HELL NO!" he hollered.

"Edo!" Ed ran over and gave Edward a big bear hug, which the latter didn't appreciate.

"Urgh! Hey, knock it off!"

"Edward, we heard you were attacked by a serial killer and wanted to come in to offer our uh, sympathy," Double D said, stepping in the room.

"Hmph," Ed pouted. "Yeah, thanks, but I'm fine. I'm just here for the day before I pack up and head off to visit an old friend,"

"Oh, well uh...alright," Edd said. "But, I just wanted to tell you that I'm terribly sorry for what Eddy did back in Liore,"

"Edward Ellic,"

"Elric,"

"Yeah, that," Eddy said, strutting on in and walking right up to Edward. "How ya been, buddy? Listen, if you need anything, just give us a call or something. By the way, you were great back in that Leo town or whatever - we couldn't have made it without -"

Ed punched Eddy in the face with his human hand, since his automail arm was busted to scrap metal.

"Yeah, about that!" Ed snapped while Eddy picked himself back up off the floor. "Thanks to you, my automail was creaking and locking all over the place! If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be here, asshole!"

"Sheesh, chill out," Eddy mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

"Edward, please don't blame Eddy," Edd began, but quickly rephrased "Um, please, I hope you can forgive him. He's certainly a heckler, but he was in rare form that day. I promise you Eddy's not so selfish once you get to know him," Kind of a lie, but not entirely.

Edward sighed. "You know what? I'm sorry," he said. "I...I just, I've been having it rough this past couple of weeks, alright? First I thought I was so close to finding the Philosopher's Stone, but it turned out to be a fake. Then I nearly get killed and almost lost my brother...yeah, just...and my arm's gone..."

"I'm sorry as well," Edd said. "To cause you so much trouble back in Liore, it was never my intention,"

"Yeah yeah, so what's done is done,"

"Well, on a lighter note, I've started learning about alchemy," Double D said, pulling the book from under his hat. "It's certainly no easy skill to master, but it's most definitely worth the effort,"

"Great," Edward said. He decided that out of the three, he liked this guy the best - after all, he wasn't a chaotic space cadet or a greedy hustler, like his friends were. He really seemed like the only one of them with some sanity, really. "It'll take a lot longer to really get good at it. There's a lot to it, you know,"

"Oh yes, this book covered quite a bit, and I'm only on the third chapter," Edd went on.

"Yeah, well, don't expect to master it in a couple of months," he said. "It took me years to get where I am now,"

Edd and Ed went on into a discussion about alchemy, while Eddy just pouted and rubbed his throbbing cheek. Ed (not Fullmetal!) decided to start up a conversation about a movie marathon he'd once watched, not that Eddy or Calla really seemed to care.

"So, there was this one episode, called 'Attack of the Giant Splorg,' where this mutant evil alien made out of ectoplasm invaded the city..."

Eddy sulked to himself, while Calla sorted things out in her head._ If this Fullmetal Alchemist was attacked by a serial killer, and they said that this was Scar, could it be that Scar...who attacks state certified alchemists? Isn't he an Ishbalan? In that case, I could hardly blame him for what he did - in fact, I'm almost mad he failed. No, maybe not though; Edward doesn't look old enough to have played a part in the war..._

"...and the cowboys tried to shoot the evil Splorg with their ionic revolvers, but it didn't work because he was made of goo..."

_He's got a pocketwatch - pure silver too. Hm, I wonder how much it could be pawned off for...or if any of these three know how to pawn..._

"...and they finally surrendered and saved the day, after Deadeye Joe used his canon blaster to evaporate Splorg and..."

_Wow, this guy has _way_ too much free time._

"Ed, please shut up," Eddy finally said.

"So, are you coming to Risembool with us?" Edward asked Double D.

"Are you sure brother?" Alphonse asked.

"Alphonse?" Edd looked over at the youngest Elric brother, who was sitting in a box, his armor looking like someone had taken a huge bite out of it. "What happened to you?"

"Scar," Ed said. "He tried to destroy Al, but since he's a suit of armor all he did was bust up the metal. I'm the only one who can fix him without damaging his blood seal, but since I can't do alchemy, I need to get it fixed first,"

"Why can't you do alchemy with just one hand?" Eddy asked.

"Because alchemy doesn't work that way," Edward answered.

"Who's the girl with you, by the way?" Al asked, looking over at the tow-headed girl.

"Oh, her?" Eddy said. "Yeah, her name's Calla. Don't be fooled, she can talk, but she likes to make you think she can't. She's a little brat,"

Calla rolled her eyes, but with her glasses on no one noticed it.

"Why is she wearing shades inside?" Ed asked.

"Beats me," Eddy shrugged. With that, Calla decided to pull them off to reveal a pair of striking deep crimson eyes. Ed did a double-take.

"She's Ishbalan?" Alphonse gasped.

Calla bit her lip and quickly pulled the glasses back on.

"So it's settled then," Double D said. "We'll be joining you on your trip to Risembool,"

"But we just got to Central!" Eddy pointed out.

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**And so, the Eds are off to Risembool! After they just made it to Central City! LOL, a bit of a cliffhanger, no? Well then, here are the author's notes:**

*I believe the episode was "Little Ed Blue," where Ed gets a pebble in his shoe and goes bats**t insane.  
**Diablo del Lazor is not canon - I just came up with the name because it sounded cool, and because it fits for a toy that breathes fire!

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**Okay, now that that's out of the way, I'm not quite sure how chapter 8 is gonna go, but...Double D finally does alchemy! Hooray! And yes, only Edd can make failing at breaking glass look epic! XD Eddy's getting to be quite the pottymouth, don't you think? Maybe it's because he found out the rating for this show and went to town with it. Okayz...Review!  
**


	8. Chapter 8: On A Train

**FINALLY! Sorry it took forever to update this thing, but I've finally got the chapter out and done! Hopefully, chapter 9 won't take this long. I had a lot of fun doing this one, actually, but I have to warn you; I'm a sucker for moe, and yes, this contains some moe. If you don't like moe, you might not like this chapter. **

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"So, okay, could you tell me...what's the deal with your arm and stuff?"

Edward stared blankly at Eddy for a moment, but before he was about to answer, someone had burst through the wall.

"MAJOR ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG AT YOUR SERVICE, MISTER EDWARD ELRIC!" boomed a man who radiated pink sparkles.

"Um...who is this guy, and why did he just take off his shirt?" asked Eddy.

_Oh dear. The debris he's left behind!_ thought Double D

"Are you a vampire mister?" Ed asked.

_Does he really have to shout?_ thought Calla.

_Aw, dammit! Not again._ The janitor sighed as he mopped up the chunks of wall behind him.

Ed pouted as he boarded the train, glancing back over from the major to the three idiots following him. If he could do alchemy, he'd turn his metal arm into a blade just to hack his throat. _No, it's not that bad_, he thought. _It could always be worse._

"So, uh, Major," Ed finally spoke up to Armstrong. "Where's my brother Alphonse?"

This, he should not have asked.

Meanwhile, over where the Eds sat, Eddy and Ed had started singing _"I'm On A Train"_ while Double D and Calla resisted the urge to kill them.

"So Double D," Calla finally spoke up.

"Hm? What is it Calla?" he asked.

"You had a shady past, right? What exactly happened back then?"

He looked at her sideways. "Um...I don't know what you mean,"

"Remember...Eddy said something about you not being innocent. What could've happened that he'd say that, anyway? You seemed like the clean one in the group,"

"What..." Double D tried to think back to what Eddy had said. 'Since when are you innocent?'...that was what she was referring to? As in, that statement?

"Um...well...Oh my," Edd went pale when it occurred to him that Calla had mistakenly taken Eddy's words literally. "Calla, what Eddy said...is...is som...something you...it's really for something I can't explain to you at this age. Maybe when you're older, perhaps," he stammered, his face bright red.

"It was that bad?" Calla asked in amazement. Edd facepalmed.

"It...no. He was making a remark about...something that was inappropriate to say in front of a child your age,"

Meanwhile, Ed and Eddy were belting out a rewrite of a song the author hasn't actually heard much of.

"You can't stop me monkey-farmer, cause I'm on a train!"

"I'M ON A BOAT I'M ON A BOAT!"

"No Ed, it's I'M ON A TRAIN I'M ON A TRAIN!"

"GENTLEMEN!" Edd finally shouted. The two immediately fell silent. "Please. Do you really need to keep annoying the passengers on this train like this? Besides, this is absolutely juvenile. Enough already!"

With that, both Ed and Eddy stopped even speaking. They were just staring at the seat where Edd was, mouths hung open. Edward thought he was about to cry after seeing that. _Thank God!_ Edward said mentally. _Wait...oh HELL no! What did I just say?_

After a few minutes of peace and quiet, Ed and Eddy started up again with "I'm On A Train". Calla started hitting her head against the window, and Double D just wanted to hide in his hat, just rolling his eyes at the two other Ed boys. Finally, Ed (_Elric!_) decided to grab Eddy by the ankles and use him as a baseball bat to smack Ed. No one had a problem with it.

_Why Ishbala? Why must you put me through this? _Calla groaned mentally. At least now they weren't belting out that awful song, so she just stared out the window, watching rolling green hills between the villages. It had been a long couple of days, and she'd only now realized that she didn't sleep all that time. She quickly dozed off and fell asleep.

"So, um, Edward," Double D spoke up. Ed turned to face him.

"Yeah?"

"Um..." he began, not sure how to word it. He'd had this question on his mind for a while now, but he didn't know exactly how to ask about it. _Think Eddward, just let the words flow..._  
"Edward," he repeated, now feeling silly. "I was just...wondering...about you and your brothers' bodies,"

"Oh," Ed looked away for a moment, blushing a bit. "You mean, what happened to them?"

"Yes,"

"Well," Edward began, "It's a long story actually. Kind of involved, but, let's just say we committed a taboo regarding the laws of alchemy. The price we paid...was that, I lost my right arm and left leg, and Al..." Ed winced when he thought of his brother. Even now, it was hard to bring up that day. "...lost his body. I had to fuse his soul to a suit of armor, and his blood seal connects his soul to that armor," he explained. "Since he's wrecked though, and I'm the only one who can reconstruct his body without breaking the seal, and...well, I can't do alchemy unless I have two hands,"

Double D was surprised to hear all this. _It seems like these two have been through a lot together,_ he thought.

"You sure sound like you've been through quite a bit, mister Fullmeta-"

"Please, it's Ed...uh, or Edward. Or maybe Fullmetal. Yeah, something," Ed said, facepalming.

"Yes well, Edward, you sound like you've had quite a bit of trials throughout your life," Edd said, a bit awkward. He thought about it, and as it turned out, him and the other Eds had been through a lot themselves. Okay, maybe not as much as the Elric brothers, but they still had some hard times. At least for Ed and Eddy; poor Ed always lost out to Sarah for his parents' support, and Eddy seemed to have a horrible time with his family as well. Compared to them, Edd felt...kind of sheltered. Suddenly, he felt something leaning into his arm.

"Hey, look," Edward pointed toward Double D, and Edd saw Calla asleep next to him.

"Aww," Double D couldn't help but say. She was curled up on her seat, her knees tucked up to her chest, laying her head up against his arm. For once, she looked...peaceful, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"Aww, she looks so cute! Teh little dickens," Ed whispered, peeping over at her from his seat. Eddy shushed him, but stared down with a big smile on his face.

"Heh, been a while since she's slept like that, huh?" Edward asked. Alex was close to tears seeing it all.

"Hm, yeah, guess you're right," Eddy replied. "She didn't get sleep all that night Lumpy over here had that damn chicken stuffed in his shirt, and then we pulled another all-nighter. Wait...how are we not tired?"

"Coffee, Eddy," Edd said. "We had coffee,"

"Well, that explains everything," Edward mumbled to himself. "Now I know why they were being idiots,"

Finally, the train stopped. Armstrong, Fullmetal and the Eds stepped off the train, with Edd holding the still sleeping Calla in his arms. It amazed Eddy how such a weakling who had trouble breaking a glass bottle, could hoist a small child without much apparent effort. Whatever the reason, it was still a touching sight to see Calla sound asleep, her glasses lopsided on her head. Somehow, she didn't look nearly as precocious now as she did when the Eds first met her, maybe because of her lopsided sunglasses, maybe because she almost looked like she was sucking her thumb, or maybe just having her eyes shut. At any rate, it was friggin' adorable.

So adorable, in fact, that Ed didn't watch where he was going and tripped on something on the ground, landing on Edward Elric and making him fall over too. Lastly, Eddy ended up tripping. After three domino-Eds, Double D lost his balance directly in front of the dogpile, and ended up knocking the wind out of Calla's lungs.

She gasped (well, jolted was more like it), and after getting over the initial shock, she groaned. "Of course," she muttered.

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**Coming up: Dr. Marco! Yay! Oh yeah, if you're wondering why I'm procrastinating so much, two reasons; 1. I'm looking up episodes of Death Note on YouTube (it's an awesome show, and L's my favorite!), and 2. That's just how I roll.**

**Anyways...REVIEW!**


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